The BIG news
With all of this talk about Mark Messier possibly re-signing with the NY Rangers any damn day now, many have missed the other big news involving Mark. No not the birth of his son. No not that he caught tons of keeper blues this summer.
Mark has been a part of another organization away from the NHL. He has finally cut all ties with that organization. That organization? Cobra. "Destro", aka Mark Messier has finally called it a career in the terror business. Messier recently sat down with one of our elite writers Booger, and dropped the big one.
Messier seen here contemplating, just moments before his decision
"Im an old man. I cant keep doing this AND the NHL thing" says Messier. Mark has been fighting the forces of good for what seems like 20 years (I didnt ask how long it was because then I'd come off as gay). Add playing full-time in the NHL, and that can strain anybody out. "I decided its one or the other, and came to the conclusion that Im actually better at hockey than I am at winning wars, or even battles for that matter, with the Joes". "I know that a lot of players laugh at me. Thats OK, I would too, I mean how long was I getting my ass kicked by guys named Duke, Snake eyes, and fuckin Footloose". Far too long in this writers eyes. "This way I can devote all my time to the Rangers, and not have the burden of kissing Cobra Commanders ass all the time, no matter how stupid his ideas are." When asked if dealing with Sather was the same way, he repied with;"Glenn? No way. Hes my boy, he does what I tell him to. Without him still being employed by MSG, I wouldnt have a job, and vice versa." With a ton of spare time, Mark has been working out, and has changed his diet. Hes leener than ever. "Ive lost 15 pounds since the end of last season, and have seemed to shrink in height. I dont get it. All this from jazzersizing, and eating tons of fruit? I feel good... I feel Haaapppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." I HAD to ask Mark if he knew what Robster Craws were, but he had no response... Mark is still unsigned as of September 2. Boy, do the Rangers need him eh?
Reporter Booger
Thats about it for now. Stay tuned, because well you know we love you.....
Mark has been a part of another organization away from the NHL. He has finally cut all ties with that organization. That organization? Cobra. "Destro", aka Mark Messier has finally called it a career in the terror business. Messier recently sat down with one of our elite writers Booger, and dropped the big one.
Messier seen here contemplating, just moments before his decision
"Im an old man. I cant keep doing this AND the NHL thing" says Messier. Mark has been fighting the forces of good for what seems like 20 years (I didnt ask how long it was because then I'd come off as gay). Add playing full-time in the NHL, and that can strain anybody out. "I decided its one or the other, and came to the conclusion that Im actually better at hockey than I am at winning wars, or even battles for that matter, with the Joes". "I know that a lot of players laugh at me. Thats OK, I would too, I mean how long was I getting my ass kicked by guys named Duke, Snake eyes, and fuckin Footloose". Far too long in this writers eyes. "This way I can devote all my time to the Rangers, and not have the burden of kissing Cobra Commanders ass all the time, no matter how stupid his ideas are." When asked if dealing with Sather was the same way, he repied with;"Glenn? No way. Hes my boy, he does what I tell him to. Without him still being employed by MSG, I wouldnt have a job, and vice versa." With a ton of spare time, Mark has been working out, and has changed his diet. Hes leener than ever. "Ive lost 15 pounds since the end of last season, and have seemed to shrink in height. I dont get it. All this from jazzersizing, and eating tons of fruit? I feel good... I feel Haaapppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." I HAD to ask Mark if he knew what Robster Craws were, but he had no response... Mark is still unsigned as of September 2. Boy, do the Rangers need him eh?
Reporter Booger
Thats about it for now. Stay tuned, because well you know we love you.....
posted by Your momma at 7:02 PM
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